I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
