Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We need to get me chipped asap
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
