we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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