saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
