dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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