Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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