She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
