there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
