i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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