Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
