She's JV to your varsity
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
