You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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