Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
