I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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