I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
