Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sarcasm needs its own font
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
