1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
