I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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