I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
