hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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