If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
