piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
