i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
