yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sober January is a disaster.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
