I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
