Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
