For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
