I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
