Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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