My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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