So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We got so high we made milksteak
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
