I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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