I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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