Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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