i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
