I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
