I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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