I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
