she peed on how many people?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
