Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
