I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
