I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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