Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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