also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
