i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
