Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
