I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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