the day after is always just damage control
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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