Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
