i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I AM VODKA MAN
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
